July 2, 2015
ATHENS — Early this morning, as the rosy-fingered dawn was breaking through his palatial window, Alexis Tsipras, Prime Minister of the Third Hellenic Republic, fled to San Juan, Puerto Rico,
where he was warmly greeted by a solitary reporter and Puerto Rico's Governor, Alejandro Garcia Padilla.
Mr. Tsirpas has been having a little trouble paying his, and his country's, bills recently, and German Chancellor Angela Merkel has declared him persona non grata in the European
Mr. Garcia Padilla has also been experiencing some financial difficulties as well. Puerto Rico, a territory of the United States, has a budget deficit to the tune of 8%, and cannot pay its bills
Before he left Athens, Mr. Tsirpas told his Minister of National Defence, Panos Kammenas, to attack Germany.
It is unclear when Mr. Garcia Padilla plans to attack Florida.
Elsewhere, as reported by US News and World Report, in Bunkerville, Nevada, Tea Party presidential candidate Rand Paul, fresh from Denver where he milked thousands of dollars from
marijuana industry lobbyists, met up with Cliven Bundy. It was none other than Mr. Bundy who defied the federal Bureau of Land Management at shotgun several years ago. Amazingly, our
associate solitary reporter, Lewis Thompson, managed to be present at the media event, where he overheard Sen. Paul tell Bundy, "Cliven, my man, your confirmation hearing as my Secretary of
Defense will be a slamdunk."