MIAMI-DADE COLLEGE, FLORIDA — With Jeb in, it’s now 11.
In this, his first presidential runs, Jeb, who seeks to be Bush Three, completes the offensive half of Karl Rove’s football squad. When Bush Two was reelected in 2004 when Ohio went red, W gave a huge shoutout to Rove, referring to him as “The Architect” of his narrow victory. A solitary reporter has learned that Rove will tap Jeb as his quarterback for the new team.
However, Rove’s status as Head Coach of The GOP Presidential Candidate Football Team is bitterly disputed within GOP circles. All the Tea Party candidates object strenuously. The Tea Party controls the agenda of John Boehner’s House Of Representatives.
Not only that, Rove hasn’t picked his defensive 11 yet, but he is pretty sure that he has some strong defenders. His massive right defensive tackle will be Chris Christie. As soon as Scott Walker announces, Rove may put Walker in as quarterback, with Marco Rubio as his principal running back. Rove hasn’t decided yet what to do with Ted Cruz, but, for the moment, has put him in as Center, but Rove is extremely worried that he’ll never get Cruz to shut up and quit mouthing off before he fumbles the ball. If Rove decides to make Walker his quarterback, he is more than likely to put Jeb in as a wide receiver. Rove intends to put Rand Paul in as a free safety because of Paul’s Libertarian background, with Bobby Jindal as a tailback. Mike Huckabee, who knows everything about Biblical commands, and therefore knows exactly what God wants, will be the nose guard. Rove’s choice for punter will be former New York Gov. George Pataki, because Rove knows that Pataki will be dropping out of the race before the end of 2015. Rove intends to name Rick Santorum as his kicker, because he knows that Santorum loves to kick ass. Rick Perry goes in as right tackle, but only if he can name at least three presidents of the United States in the 19th century. As to Ben Carson, his position will likely be either free safety or cornerback, because Carson is really good at talking himself into hyperconservative nonsensical corners. Rove plans to put Lindsey Graham in as a running back because Graham, a bachelor, has been running away from women his entire life. What about Carly Fiorina? Tight end.
Jeb’s campaign will be based largely on the fact that his father was president, but he will ignore the fact that his brother was president. He will do a lot of campaigning in Spanish, in which he is fluent.
Jeb is very concerned that Hillary is likely to name Julian Castro as her Vice President. At 39, the former San Antonio Mayor is the current Secretary of Housing and Urban Development. Julian was in Denver last week with Bill Clinton, appearing on a panel of the Clinton Global Initiative America conference which Bill held at a downtown hotel. Reporters were present, but the solitary reporter was not invited, although he did file a report for his hundreds of readers on June 10.
The solitary reporter has learned that DNC Chair Debbie Wasserman Schultz has asked Castro’s twin brother, Joaquin, who represents Congress in Texas’ 20th Congressional District (San Antonio and adjacent suburbs), to run for governor of Texas in 2018 to unthrone GOP Gov. Greg Abbott.
Back in Washington, RNC Chairman Reince Priebus welcomed Jeb to Rove’s team. Our crack undercover investigative team here at AP is doing its best to record Preibus on tape saying how relieved he is that Mitt Romney is taking a pass on another presidential run.
Not only that, on Thursday the Congressional Democrats defeated the Congressional Republicans, 5-2, in an annual baseball competition dating back to 1909. President Obama even found time to show up, the day before 144 Congressional Democrats voted against him by blocking his effort to fast-track a vote on his proposed Trans Pacific Partnership; the president was photographed at the baseball game with Congressional Democrats Jared Polis and Ed Perlmutter. http://blogs.denverpost.com/thespot/2015/06/15/democrats-get-a-win-on-the-baseball-diamond/121147/.