WACO — Hooters has nothing on Twin Peaks.
Hooters, based in Atlanta and in Clearwater, Florida, is a breastaurant chain which features attractive young women servers wearing practically nothing to titillate the usual crowd of randy ne’er-do-well men.
Here in wacky Waco yesterday, five biker gangs were invited by Twin Peaks (another breastaurant featuring attractive young women servers wearing practically nothing to titillate the usual crowd of randy ne’er-do-well men), to hold a gang summit. The purpose of the summit was to allocate territory and settle turf disputes.
Twin Peaks is a multistate chain, most of whose breastaurants in the land of the free and the home of the brave are located in, guess where, The Lone Star State.
Law enforcement was present and had warned Twin Peaks that it was playing with fire by inviting five viciously competing biker gangs to its public restaurant. A melee broke out in the restaurant and quickly moved to the parking lot. Nine gang members are dead as a result of knife and gunshot wounds. 170 bikers are now in police custody.
As soon as a solitary reporter arrived at Twin Peaks, he noticed that the NRA’s top gunslinger, Wayne LaPierre, was there, towing with him Tea Party presidential candidate Ted Cruz and Texas’ senior senator, John Cornyn. LaPierre had secured nooses around each senator’s neck, lest either of them deviate from NRA doctrine. Accordingly, as soon as Cruz learned that 170 patriots had been arrested, he jumped on a table inside the restaurant (at considerable personal risk, considering that a hangman’s noose was around his neck) and demanded that the patriots be released.
Immediately, Dudley Brown of Rocky Mountain Gun Owners, which considers the NRA to be too liberal on gun rights, strode into the jail and used his semiautomatic to overpower the guards and release all the patriots.
Then the solitary reporter began an extemporaneous speech praising President Obama for making a few steps to demilitarize police departments around the country. But he was forced to flee as Brown’s folks pursued him, chasing him all the way from Waco back to Denver.