Although the mainstream media reported yesterday that President Barack Obama left the White House for his annual vacation with his family in Hawaii, a solitary reporter knows better.
True enough, Michelle, Malia, and Sasha are vacationing in the state where the president was born, but as soon as the president landed at Kaneohe Marine Corps Air Naval Station, he was whisked away to Pyongyang, accompanied by Secretary of State John Kerry; his national security advisor, Susan Rice; Stephen Colbert; and the solitary reporter. Defense Secretary Chuck Hagel, on his way out, stayed behind in the Pentagon, ruminating about what to put in his memoir.
“You see, SR,” the president explained, “I really wanted to see The Interview — do you know why? Well that’s easy, SR. The hackers purport to be from a group called Guardians Of Peace, but I’ve been around Republicans long enough to know that the Guardians Of Peace (GOP) might just be the Grand Old Party, if you know what I mean…”
"So anyway,” the president continued, "I really wanted to see this movie, but Sony Entertainment CEO Michael Lynton pushed back at me because, even though he’s one of my very wealthiest supporters, he was p____d off at me because I said that he caved by pulling the movie. So Lynton wouldn’t let me see it, and I knew perfectly well that those admittedly capable hackers — whoever they are — who hacked into Sony Entertainment could show me the film, because obviously they had seen it. That’s why I’m making this secret flight, and I’m delighted that you, who have voted for only one Republican in your entire lifetime, are with me for this top-secret adventure, which will burnish my legacy.”
Fully aware that Obama really wanted to go to Pyongyang to assume Seth Rogen’s role in the movie by killing Boy Dictator Kim Jong-un to secure his place in history, the solitary reporter, who can pretend to speak fluent Korean if he is only speaking ten words, gaped at the president in astonished silence.
Taking up the slack because of the solitary reporter’s shyness, Colbert, who is on vacation until May, having read all the solitary reporter’s satirical posts over the last two and one-half years online, promptly told the solitary reporter that he would tell Doug Herzog, the president of Viacom Media Networks Entertainment Group, which owns Comedy Central, to hire the solitary reporter to take his near-daily time slot on Comedy Central.
After the president’s plane arrived in the capital of the Hermit Kingdom, the president ditched the solitary reporter, and, with Rice, Kerry, and Colbert, went to an undisclosed location deep in the bowels of the Boy Dictator’s presidential palace.
As the president, Kerry, Rice, and Colbert were watching the movie, the state-run Korean Central News Agency slammed U.S. claims that the regime is responsible for a cyberattack on Sony Pictures -- and then proposed the two countries work together.
"Whoever is going to frame our country for a crime should present concrete evidence,” the KCNA reported earlier today.
Then, all the judges of North Korea’s Central Court, the country’s highest court, arrested the president, Kerry, Rice and Colbert, and brought them before Supreme Leader Kim Jong-un. Their present whereabouts are unknown.
The solitary reporter is with his North Korean minder.