RNC HEADQUARTERS – Your solitary reporter rushed to the Nation’s Capital today after reading a report in yesterday’s New York Times that advanced military technology will soon make it possible for unmanned bombers, operating via Artificial Intelligence, to launch lethal strikes at pre-designated enemies, with no humans at the controls.
When he arrived at the headquarters of the Republican National Committee, the solitary reporter somehow managed, by bobbing and weaving, to penetrate into the inner recesses of the Great Republican Cabal, where Chairman Reince Priebus was holding forth.
“We have several billion dollars left over in our many inside and outside accounts after our landslide victories on November 4,” Priebus explained to several thousand members of the GOP’s One Percent Club. “Bear in mind that this country is running up huge deficits. As patriots, we Republicans are in a great position to pare down the deficit, simply by purchasing that really great super-advanced technology from the Pentagon.”
“And I don’t need to tell you, my friends, who our targets are going to be.”
In a state of high anxiety, the solitary reporter rushed to DNC headquarters, where he found Chair Debbie Wasserman Schultz asleep at the switch.
But White House Chief of Staff Denis McDonough was much more responsive to the solitary reporter’s pleas. He immediately got Defense Secretary Chuck Hagel on the phone. Hagel promptly alerted the NSA, the CIA, and the Joint Chiefs of Staff to be aware of megabucks offers of dark money demanding to grab lots of Pentagon goodies.
The news of the RNC’s plans overshadowed the announcement in Beijing, in a joint press conference featuring President Obama and Chinese President Xi Jinping, of a first-ever pledge by China to cut back on its carbon emissions, but the news from that press conference did not keep soon to be Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell from whining, as usual, about anything accomplished by President Obama.