YUMA, COLORADO – Savoring his victory over Colorado's senior senator, Mark Udall, Congressman Cory Gardner (TP.-Colorado), the Senator-elect from this small ranching town in Eastern Colorado, told a solitary reporter that, in the upcoming lame duck session of Congress, he plans to file Articles of Impeachment against President Obama for appearing at the ceremonial opening of the Asia-Pacific Economic Cooperation summit in Beijing dressed in Chinese garb.
“As soon as I saw Obama on television, with Putin, Xi Jinping, and all the other Asian leaders, wearing Chinese garb with Mao-type collars, my self-righteous Lutheran xenophobia ramped up into high gear. The president of the United States has no business dressing the same way as Mao Tse-dong.”
“I bet you anything,” Gardner continued, “as soon as Obama got to his hotel room, he was closely studying Mao’s Little Red Book.”
The solitary reporter then called Virginia Congressman Bob Goodlatte, the Chairman of the House Judiciary Committee, who told the solitary reporter, “Cory’s a rising star in the Republican Party, and I’ll do anything I can to help him rise. I am fully in support of impeaching the president.”
Extremely pleased with himself for coming up with the latest Republican attack plan against Obama, Gardner said “As soon as the lame duck session starts, I’ll file the Articles of Impeachment, and Chairman Goodlatte will put it on a fast track for a committee hearing, and Boehner and my Republican buddies will vote for impeachment. Then, as soon as I get in the Senate, with Chief Justice Roberts presiding, I’ll vote for conviction because Obama has embarrassed our exceptional nation by kowtowing to Xi Jinping.”
“Most definitely, that is a high crime and misdemeanor."
Reince Priebus, RNC Chairman, told his entire staff to drop everything and work on Gardner’s plan.