AURORA, COLORADO (Remember the Aurora Movie Theatre Shooting in July, 2012?) — As she revved up the Democratic shock troops today at the Radisson Denver Southeast hotel here in Aurora, Future President Hillary Clinton took the opportunity to explain to the ten thousand highly motivated Democrats who will ensure the election to Congress of Andrew Romanoff in Congressional District 6 (defeating three-term Tea Party Congressman Mike Coffman), the former Secretary of State took the occasion to explain why her close personal friend, DNC Chair Debbie Wasserman Schultz, has excommunicated Alison Lundergan Grimes from the Democratic Party. A solitary reporter was seated in the front row.
Clinton’s appearance also ensured that the Democrats will continue in the majority of the US Senate, as Mark Udall (D.-Colorado) is temporarily behind in the polls to Cory Gardner (TP-Eastern Plains of Colorado). Clinton’s appearance guarantees that Gardner will be out of a job in January; he will, however, accept a much higher-paying job with the Koch Brothers.
Lundergan Grimes, the thirty-five year old Secretary of State of the Bluegrass State seeking to retire Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, had a decent shot at unseating the triple-chinned, portentous McConnell (a.k.a. Senator No), but all hope was lost when she refused twice, on camera, to say whether she had voted for President Obama in 2012. Not only that, she has been running TV ads saying “I’ve never supported amnesty or benefits for illegal immigrants and I never will.”
Although the latter comment pleased Sens. Ted Cruz (TP-Texas) and Marco Rubio (TP-Florida), it caused Sen. Bob Menendez (D.-New Jersey) to vomit in the well of the Senate. Menendez told Wasserman Schultz to send Lundergan Grimes to The Legendary Frank Sullivan, Denver’s most prominent Democrat, for indoctrination in Democratic Party values and, more importantly, strategy.
Thus, McConnell, now 72, will run for re-election in 2020, the same year when Hillary will be running for re-election herself.
Meanwhile, GOP presidential wannabe Chris Christie, head of the Republican Governors Association, was in Denver yesterday stumping for GOP gubernatorial hopeful Bob Beauprez. The pair visited a vocational school, SeedPaths, which Beauprez has been citing as evidence of government overregulation. The solitary reporter noticed that Christie was talking a lot more about his own need to be president than about spreading seeds for Beauprez’ hard-core super-conservative views to take root in the Centennial State.
Elsewhere, on Sunday, Denver Broncos Superstar Peyton Manning broke, first, Brett Favre’s career touchdown record (508) and then, to make things even better, his own record (509). But San Francisco 49ers QB Colin Kaepernick, who led his team to a 17-42 defeat at the hands of the Broncos’ John Elway, tweeted the solitary reporter, complaining that Manning must have been high on weed at Mile High Stadium. The solitary reporter responded immediately, informing Kaepernick that he lost because his tattoos are over the top ugly.