YUMA, COLORADO — From  the front porch of his home here on the Eastern Plains of Colorado, Tea Party U.S. Senate candidate Cory Gardner — — who has repeatedly hammered his opponent, Colorado’s senior senator, Mark Udall, for “voting with President Obama 99% of the time,” promised his hard-core ideological base that he will never vote for any legislation proposed by Obama, “especially any budget proposal put forth by Barack Hussein Obama Junior,” in Gardner’s own words, as witnessed by a solitary reporter.

“The only reason to have a federal government,” Gardner said, “is so we can kill jihadi terrorists at home and abroad.”

“As soon as I am sworn in in January,” Gardner continued, “I will introduce legislation to repeal Social Security, and I also want to repeal the federal income tax, except for national defense.”

“In fact, my bill to repeal the federal income tax will say that only Democrats have to pay for defense. My cosponsor on that bill will be my close personal friend Doug Lamborn, who represents Colorado Springs in Congress”

“That way, all my rich friends and I can have yachts and sail around the world."

The vaguely cute Congressman, continually smiling engagingly while promising Armageddon to all liberals and simultaneously lying through his teeth concerning his true position on women’s reproductive rights, said: “I’m 40 and my opponent is an old man who is scared to death of me. Udall has mounted a lackluster campaign, so, in his desperation, he has brought future presidential candidate Elizabeth Warren here on his bus tour.”

Gardner's voting record in Congress is ranked as the tenth most conservative in the House of Representatives.

After Cuban-born American Conservative Union Chairman Al Cardenas learned from a Republican operative about Gardner’s promise, he promptly wired one million dollars to Gardner’s campaign, so that the two-term GOP Congressman can continue his relentless assaults on Udall. However, Cardenas was unaware that the Democrats’ ground game will tip the election in Udall’s favor when the votes are counted on November 4.

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