CENTURY LINK FIELD, SEATTLE — After once again accomplishing the unbelievable, piloting his Denver Broncos from being down two touchdowns to a 20-20 tie in regulation yesterday against the Seattle Seahawks, Peyton Manning, the Broncos’ Captain, lost the coin toss at the end of regulation, which allowed Seahawks Captain Russell Wilson to receive the kickoff in Overtime, leaving Manning no opportunity to get his hands on the ball, as Wilson led the Hawks directly into the end zone to score the winning touchdown.
Century Link Field, notorious in the NFL for boasting the rudest, loudest, most bizarre fans in the country, grew strangely quiet when Manning threw a picture-perfect pass to Demaryius Thomas in the end zone for the two point conversion at the end of regulation. The fans, of course, were totally unaware that a solitary reporter had tweeted the Seattle office of the Occupational Safety and Health Administration, complaining that the noise level in the stadium was making him deaf, especially since he, the solitary reporter, was the Referee.
Manning had called tails, and Wilson had called heads. The Referee took his shiny New Hampshire quarter, tossed it in the air, and it came up heads.
Manning, never one to be flustered, decided to sue Treasury Secretary Jack Lew for failing to provide the solitary reporter with a quarter from any State or American territory with both sides heads.
“The Referee is a Democrat and I’m a Republican,” Manning explained to ESPN.
At the White House, Chief of Staff Denis McDonough said that he would leave it to Lew as to how to handle this precarious situation. Lew wisely buffed the entire matter to Rosa Gumataotao Rios, the Treasurer of the United States, who is in charge of the Denver Mint, where the solitary reporter’s quarter was made. A rising star in the Democratic Party, Gumataotao Rios told the solitary reporter to get lost.
As a result, both the Seahawks and the Broncos are now 2-1 this season. The two teams will meet again on February 1 in Arizona for the Super Bowl, only with a different Referee.