CHOCORUA, NEW HAMPSHIRE — Pursued up to the summit of iconic Mount Chocorua (its image is on the New Hampshire quarter) by a solitary reporter, former Massachusetts Sen. Scott Brown, relishing his primary victory today over, among others, former GOP Senator (and former presidential candidate) Bob Smith, sped up the Hammond Trail, the trailhead of which is a mere one-tenth of a mile from the solitary reporter’s 1830 New Hampshire farmhouse. Brown now faces incumbent Sen. Jeanne Shaheen in November. Not realizing that New Hampshire has the best medical care in the United States, Brown is pinning his hopes for an upset on the undeserved unpopularity of President Obama. Shaheen, a good Democrat, voted for and supports the Affordable Care Act, because of which all New Hampshire residents have thrived.


Not to be outdone, the solitary reporter, the recent beneficiary of emergency subdural hematoma surgery at Dartmouth-Hitchcock Medical Center in Lebanon, New Hampshire, chased Brown to the top of the mountain where, by legend, Chief Chocorua was pursued by angry white settlers in the early 1700s. Just before leaping to his death, again according to legend, Chief Chocorua proclaimed his curse against all white settlers and their cattle. Despite the curse, cattle graze in Chocorua Village today.


Brown, now a notorious carpetbagger, moved to New Hampshire after being defeated in 2012 by future presidential candidate Elizabeth Warren.


At the summit, a heavily panting solitary reporter pointed out to Brown the huge boulder, just below the summit, from which Chocorua purportedly leapt. Brown, who has no authentic roots in New Hampshire whatsoever, promptly climbed the boulder and announced that he is running for president in 2020 against either Warren or Hillary Clinton.


After snapping a photograph of Brown making his announcement, the solitary reporter slid down the mountain and went to bed.


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