IN BAGHDAD, KERRY CAUGHT STUDYING FARSI

BAGHDAD — As the government of Iraq’s president Nouri al-Maliki appears about to fall in the face of the rapid advance of ISIS toward the capital, Secretary of State John Kerry was observed by a solitary reporter in al-Maliki’s outer office surreptitiously studying Farsi before flying to Tehran to meet with Supreme Leader Ali Khamenei. 

 

“I wasn’t forced into doing this,” Kerry explained, “I just don’t want this whole mess to turn into a farce.”

 

It turns out that al-Maliki was too busy trying to get his army to defend him and his fellow Shiites even to welcome Kerry into his inner office.

 

“The Iranians are not only hard to deal with,” Kerry continued, “they are exceptionally enigmatic, so I figured if I can talk to the Supreme Leader in his own language, that might help.”

 

White House Press Secretary Josh Earnest had no explanation for Kerry’s capricious behavior as President Obama heads into the midterms in November with no significant foreign policy achievement.

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