GULFPORT, MISSISSIPPI — Arriving here by canoe moments ago, a solitary reporter purposefully debarked at Copa Casino, one of Gulfport’s most splendid casinos, and announced that he is seeking the GOP nomination for the U.S. Senate in the upcoming June 24 runoff.


This unexpected event occurred when incumbent Sen. Thad Cochran, 76, who is seeking a sixth term, failed to garner 50% of the votes in yesterday’s Republican Senate primary. As of press time, State Sen. Chris McDaniel (TP-Ellisville) was leading Cochran by fewer than 2,000 votes. More than $13 million has been spent so far on this Republican primary, with the majority of that useless money coming from the so-called Republican establishment, and the rest from the Tea Party.


In Ellisville, Sen. McDaniel, 41, told Charles Koch to put a bounty on the solitary reporter’s head. But the solitary reporter was not deterred, saying “I believe in a republican form of government, and since neither Cochran nor McDaniel believes in government at all, I believe that I’m the better choice.”


Seven years ago, the solitary reporter worked in a church work camp on post-Katrina recovery here in Gulfport. During his one week here, the solitary reporter led an extremely solitary vigil against the casinos which then-Gov. Haley Barbour, a former RNC Chair, persuaded Bush Two to construct as an economic stimulus as part of post-Katrina recovery.


In Jackson, GOP State Chairman Joe Nosef said that his preference is to use the Mississippi State Militia to keep the solitary reporter at the Copa, “So he can gamble away his political future right here in the Magnolia State."

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