ROCKY ISLAND, PARACEL ISLANDS – Unbeknown to the entire world except through the mediation of a solitary reporter, Secretary of State John Kerry and Vietnam’s Foreign Minister, Pham Binh Minh, arrived here moments ago as the US and the Socialist Republic of Vietnam signed a treaty of friendship and mutual defense.
The venue is a small group of tiny islands in the South China Sea, which, until Kerry’s arrival, was controlled by China.
“Even President Obama doesn’t know that I am here,” Kerry explained to the solitary reporter. “He has a few other things on his mind, like figuring out how to get Hillary nominated and elected.”
Mr. Minh explained to the solitary reporter that given China’s highly provocative actions in recent days, including the placing of an oil rig right next to Rocky Island, “It is high time that the United States come to the aid of its former enemy.” Before today’s treaty signing, Vietnam, unlike the Philippines, which also claims the Paracel Islands, had no mutual defense treaty with the United States.