ORIENTALE IMPACT CRATER, THE LUNAR SURFACE — Sen. Ted Cruz (TP-Texas) got a little carried away this evening.
Frustrated at his inability to persuade more than a handful of Republicans to support his campaign for the presidency on the Tea Party ticket, the 43-year-old tea-toting wunderkind spent most of this evening staring at the lunar eclipse.
Escorted by a solitary reporter, the native Canadian ended up far away from his few constituents, but he told his temporarily willing companion that he intends, any day now, to move to New Hampshire to launch his presidential bid.
After the solitary reporter told Cruz that he has a splendid vacation home in Carroll County, New Hampshire, the senator (visibly upset at the rapidity of the rocket transporting him to the moon) ordered the solitary reporter to turn over his 1830 Cape Cod home to him.
“You’ve got a big field there, big enough for the private plane which the Koch Brothers have given me to land in.”
“But you’ll have to expand the house, at your own expense of course, because I’m going to be putting at least 666 of my staffers in there.”
The solitary reporter chose the Orientale Impact Crater as their destination because of his close personal friendship with Japanese Prime Minister Abe Shinzo.
Immediately upon landing, and very frantic, the solitary reporter called New Hampshire Governor Maggie Hassan (a good Democrat and only the second woman to be elected governor), begging her to notify the minuscule police force of Tamworth to intercept Cruz if he ever returns to earth; but the governor said she is too busy running for reelection in New Hampshire’s two-year gubernatorial campaign cycle.
John Stephen, the Granite State's Commissioner of Health and Human Services, and one of many almost-declared GOP candidates, whispered to several New Hampshire Tea Party enthusiasts that, based on his present job, in which he very reluctantly complies with the Affordable Care Act, he is best qualified to trumpet the Koch Brothers’ message to the effect that only impoverished persons should enroll in Obamacare.
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