TIMES SQUARE – Desperately seeking to recover his mojo, New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie was observed moments ago by a solitary reporter trying unsuccessfully to slide down the Toboggan Run here.
The GMC Toboggan Run, a main feature of Super Bowl Boulevard, is one of the main features of Super Bowl XLVIII, which is being hosted by both New York City and various venues in New Jersey. The Game will be played only a short distance from the Hudson River at MetLife Stadium in East Rutherford, New Jersey.
Christie’s entrance to the Toboggan Run venue was a bit tricky, as he had to be smuggled into Manhattan by burly offensive linemen for both the New York Mets and the New York Giants; both teams play their home games at MetLife Stadium.
Operatives from the office of New York Mayor Bill de Blasio spotted Christie's limousine crossing the George Washington Bridge and tweeted New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo to alert him of the GOP presidential candidate’s imminent arrival, and asked the governor whether they should intercept Christie; but Cuomo, a seasoned pol, immediately replied, saying “If that fatso is really gonna try to make it down the Toboggan Run, let him try.”
With the solitary reporter and thousands of other gawking tourists looking on, Christie, who secretly had lap band-surgery to control his obesity a year ago, was hydraulically lifted to the top of the Toboggan Run, and then asked his Lieutenant Governor, Kim Guadagno, which of the eight lanes he should attempt. Guadagno, the former Sheriff of Monmouth County, told him “Governor, you’re gonna need at least two lanes, but you are such a manly man, you’ll do just fine, but you better wear this cup; all the NFL players wear them.”
So Christie did as suggested, and plummeted down the Run, to a chorus of cheers and boos. The cheers were led by NYSE CEO Sydney Williams; the boos were led by DNC Chair Debbie Wasserman Schultz (a native of Queens), while Sen. Mike Lee (TP-Utah) led a crew of videographers to record the event, as he began work on a mockumentary on Christie.
As he wondrously descended the Toboggan Run, Christie was warmly greeted by Williams, as Wasserman Schultz, giggling, told the solitary reporter, “This is fantastic! I haven’t had so much fun since kindergarten."