ZIMMERMAN: "I'm a Belieber"

MIAMI BEACH —  George Zimmerman is in the news again.


Earlier today, $2,500 bond was set for teen heartthrob Justin Bieber, who was arrested here yesterday on DUI charges.


Zimmerman (the most notorious neighborhood watch volunteer in American history) was observed by a solitary reporter rushing to the jail, cheering Bieber on for yelling at the arresting office.


Bieber was observed speed racing against a red Ferrari; the teen idol was behind the wheel in his yellow Lamborghini. When arrested at 4 AM, Bieber impolitely asked the police officer to leave him alone. The mainstream media failed to report that Bieber told the arraigning judge that as soon as he is acquitted of the DUI charges, he intends to run for governor of Florida on the I Am a Celebrity And I Can Do Anything I Want Party ticket.


Zimmerman, one of whose paintings of an American flag sold recently at auction for over $100,000, told nobody in particular that everybody driving a Lamborghini and dropping the F bomb on a police officer is entitled to special reverence. Zimmerman describes himself as a fervent Belieber in the 19-year-old Canadian singer.


But Neil Diamond, who wrote the fabled 1966 Monkees’ hit, "I’m a Believer," told the solitary reporter that he is suing Zimmerman for stealing his intellectual property.


Zimmerman denied that he has been hired by Ukrainian President Viktor Yanukovych for crowd control to keep Yanukovych’s government from being toppled. “I’m staying right here in Florida,” Zimmerman said. “Pretty soon I’m running for Congress on the Tea Party ticket.”

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