GETTYSBURG — Congressman Joe Pitts, who represents Pennsylvania's 16th Congressional District (which includes Gettysburg), took center stage today at the Gettysburg National Military Park, which is operated by the National Park Service.


He was closely observed from a disrespectful distance by our associate solitary reporter, Dick Trussell, one of Pennsylvania's most prominent Democratic Party activists. Although a fervent Democrat, Trussell served as Bush One's Director of the National Park Service from 1989 to 1983. One hundred fifty years ago today, Honest Abe gave The Gettysburg Address.


Congressman Pitts was introduced by Sen. Pat Toomey (R-Pa.); for understandable reasons, Sen. Bob Casey Jr. (D-Pa.), Pennsylvania's senior US Senator, did not attend, since this year's celebration was organized by RNC Chair Reince Priebus.


“Although President Lincoln was a Republican, he never should have fought the Civil War,” Pitts, the nine-term GOP Congressman, began. “If he had not fought the Civil War, he would not have been assassinated, and he could've stayed in Illinois as the itinerant country lawyer that he always was.” 


“I totally believe in States' Rights, which is what the Civil War was supposed to be about until Lincoln foolishly issued the Emancipation Proclamation.”


“Although I am not a member of the Congressional Tea Party Caucus,” Congressman Pitts continued, “I am proud to say that I am much more conservative than they are.”


“For example, after a federal judge in 2002 ordered the removal of the Ten Commandments from the Chester County Courthouse, I released a press statement in which I said, 'I think that religion and the Ten Commandments in particular should have a role in our public life,' and I supported The Ten Commandments Defense Act.”


“As everybody knows, Jesus wrote The Ten Commandments because he was God, and I do everything that God tells me.”


“But on second thought, if Lincoln had not fought the Civil War, we wouldn't have this beautiful Gettysburg National Military Park, which attracts millions of visitors every year, thus providing employment to hundreds of my constituents, all of whom adore me.”


This concluded this year's celebration of the 150th Anniversary of Lincoln's Gettysburg Address.


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