WASHINGTON — On this Veterans Day, conspiracy theorist Jerome Corsi, co-author of Unfit for Command: Swift Boat Veterans Speak Out Against John Kerry, arrived via his own private submarine to meet with Secretary of State John Kerry, docking at a marina on the Potomac owned and operated by the Tea Party, and humbly walked, on his knees, to Foggy Bottom to apologize to Kerry for tubing Kerry's try for the presidency in 2004.


But as Corsi (no relation to this solitary reporter) was escorted into Kerry's office, the Secretary of State, armed with a bazooka, waved Corsi away, saying “Corsi, you also wrote The Obama Nation: Leftist Politics and the Cult of Personality, in which you falsely accused the President of being a druggie.”


“It's true, Corsi, you destroyed my presidential candidacy, but I am a nice Christian gentleman, and I'll forgive you if you prostrate yourself, call Harvard President Drew Gilpin Faust right now and demand that she revoke your Harvard PhD, repudiate your two nasty books, and sign up to raise millions and millions for Hillary.”


“Corsi, you are a member of the Constitution Party, and even though you are a Catholic just like me, you have a huge uphill battle to convince me.”


“You'll have to renounce the Constitution Party's platform about scratching all US foreign aid, as well as its insistence on abolishing the federal income tax.”


“And why, for God's sake, did you accuse MLK of being a shakedown artist?”


Corsi, desperate for Kerry's forgiveness and blessing, tweeted the solitary reporter and begged him to intervene.


End of story.

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