WASHINGTON — Cashing in on his newfound fame, fortune, and glory, Sen. Ted Cruz (TP-Texas) has left the political party with which he had a nominal affiliation.


This, after Speaker Boehner was, moments ago, rendered speechless by the suicidal ideation articulated by more than half of his so-called Republican Party, after rejecting the Senate's plan to avert worldwide financial catastrophe.


The only problem is, the junior senator from Texas couldn't figure out what to call his new Party.


He used to be a member of the Tea Party. He was a member of the Republican Party when he attended Harvard Law School, but he left the Republican Party when he ran against Texas Gov. Rick Perry's hand-picked candidate to succeed retiring GOP Texas Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchinson.


“Should I call it the Self-Mortification Party? Or the Self-Destruction Party?”


“Maybe the Crucifixion Party? Or the Cruzification Party? After all, my last name is Cruz, and I realize that most of my close personal friends in the Tea Party, except for Marco Rubio, have no idea that there is even a Spanish language, let alone that there are people in the United States with Spanish names… so maybe Cruzifixion Party isn't such a good idea…”


“Sorry, folks, I forgot to explain that in Spanish, cruz means cross.”


As a solitary reporter listened to Cruz prattle on, speaking to no one in particular, he received a call from President Obama telling him not to fret. “These things all work themselves out in due time, SR,” the president said.

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