WASHINGTON — As the world's first democracy in modern times teetered close to total financial collapse, thus calling into question the Obama Administration's plan to bring peace and security to the rest of the uncivilized and civilized world before next year's midterm elections, it was left to two men and two men alone to straighten everything out.


Desperate to preserve his Speakership, Rep. John Boehner called his close personal friend, NRA CEO Wayne LaPierre. Their conversation occurred approximately four miles west of the Washington Navy Yard.


The content of their conversation is known only to a solitary reporter, who, after being temporarily detained in an undisclosed location deep in the heart of Texas, is currently being debriefed by Gen. Keith Alexander, the CEO of the NSA, which will never run out of money under any circumstances -- as long as Wayne LaPierre is in charge of our government.

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