SANFORD — In the wake of massive protests against the acquittal of all charges against sometimes white, sometimes Hispanic neighborhood watch volunteer George Zimmerman on Saturday, Sen. Tim Scott (TP-SC) came out swinging against the Justice Department's potential plans to prosecute Zimmerman for criminal violations of post-Civil War civil rights laws which prohibit criminal acts committed under color of law by law enforcement authorities.
Yesterday, NAACP Chair Benjamin Jealous, The Rev. Al Sharpton, and The Rev. Jesse Jackson demanded that Atty. Gen. Eric Holder file federal criminal civil rights charges against Zimmerman, who was found non-guilty on Saturday by a jury of six women (none of whom was impressed by his physical appearance) of Standing Up For Gun Rights.
“I'm not jealous of Jealous at all,” Scott explained to a solitary reporter, “even though he gets a lot more publicity than I do, especially when he doesn't deserve it.”
“Although many of my detractors love nothing better than to say that I am a traitor to my race,” Scott continued, “I am totally devoted to the Tea Party, which put me in the United States Senate, because I am budds with Nikki Haley who, by the way, is the first Sikh-American to be elected governor of South Carolina, and she is also a member of the Tea Party, although for political purposes she is strictly a Republican,.”
“When I run for president in 2016 against Hillary, Nikki would be my running mate, except that we're both from the same state.”
“Instead, my running mate will be Michele Bachmann.”
“After all, she was my candidate for president last time.”
Scott, who was succeeded in the House of Representatives by former South Carolina Gov. Mark “Appalachian Trail” Sanford, is the first African American Congressman or Senator from South Carolina since 1897.