THE IMPERIAL PALACE, TOKYO — Wearing an exquisite kimono (which she made herself while a Home Economics major at Harvard) as she presented her credentials as President Obama's ambassador to the Chrysanthemum Throne, Caroline Kennedy, the next US Ambassador to Japan, rebuked her interpreter, a solitary reporter, for insulting Emperor Akihito by telling extremely crude, raunchy jokes in Japanese.
As the whole world doesn't know, Caroline Kennedy is fluent in Korean, Chinese (seventeen dialects), Tagalog, Chamorro, Tongan, Samoan, Fijian, and Vietnamese; her knowledge of both Khmer and Burmese is subpar. But Kennedy, unfortunately, does not speak Japanese.
The solitary reporter then bowed and scraped, and groveled, in an extremely poor attempt to apologize to the Emperor, but was quickly dispatched by seven samurai.
Then the solitary reporter, in mortal danger, was rescued by Ms. Kennedy, who told the Emperor that the solitary reporter's passport would be immediately revoked by her friend and soon-to-be boss, Secretary of State John Kerry. At which point the seventy-nine year old Emperor, for the first time in his life, guffawed, and handed the solitary reporter a plate containing the most delicious sushi which the solitary reporter, a well-known gourmand of Japanese cuisine, had ever tasted.
In other news, South Korean President Park Guen-hye announced to a packed audience in Seoul that she had, a mere ninety seconds ago, tweeted President Obama, urging him to provide North Korea's barely pubescent ruler, Dictator Kim III, an all-expense paid scholarship to The Fletcher School of Law and Diplomacy at Tufts University in Medford, Massachusetts.
When queried by the same solitary reporter, Ms. Park said that she has no intention of invading North Korea, “Even if Senator McCain wants me to.”