EN ROUTE TO THE PENTAGON — Moments ago, aboard Air Force Three, Secretary of Defense Chuck Hagel told a solitary reporter that, upon leaving Afghan President Hamid Karzai's presidential palace yesterday, he gave the erratic and unstable Afghan president the finger, saying, “We're done. All out.”
Although Attorney General Eric Holder was simultaneously convening a news conference denouncing Hagel for acting without presidential permission, the solitary reporter tweeted his thousands of readers, saying “Hagel Unilaterally Pulls Out of Afghanistan.”
Hagel's announcement came immediately after Karzai accused the United States and its allies of partnering with the Taliban for the insidious purpose of perpetuating the occupation of Afghanistan.
At the White House, our associate solitary reporter, Ken Colburn, caught President Obama smoking in a closet. Obama told Colburn that he is secretly glad “to be getting that albatross off my neck so I can continue to beat up on the Republicans.”