STILLWATER, MINNESOTA — Earlier today, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell was caught in Congresswoman Michele Bachmann's bedroom here in Stillwater by the probing eyes of a solitary reporter.
Bachmann, the founder of the Congressional Tea Party Caucus, was unapologetic, while McConnell's personal Chief of Staff, Josh Holmes, was caught flat-footed.
“For many years,” the Congresswoman from Minnesota's 6th Congressional District said, “I've been wanting to out my husband of 35 years, Marcus Bachmann. Marcus runs our Christian counseling service whose primary goal is to use conversion therapy to straighten out gay men, but Marcus himself is gay.”
“Marcus is a pretty good-looking guy, but I've never had sex with an ugly man. Having sex with Mitch McConnell provides me with the perfect opportunity to feel what it's like.”
Back in Washington, Holmes, McConnell's personal Chief of Staff, lamely explained that in bedding Michele Bachmann, "Senator No” was merely trying to make use of McConnell's “extreme sexual prowess” to convince Bachmann to convert from the Tea Party to the Republican Party.