VATICAN CITY — After learning that noted columnist E.J. Dionne had written a column suggesting that the College of Cardinals should appoint a woman as the next Vicar of Christ, Pope Benedict XVI excommunicated Dionne, a lifelong Catholic.
“I've done nothing wrong,” Dionne explained to a solitary reporter. “I'm just following Galatians 3:28, which proclaims equality among men and women.”
Meanwhile, in a Pretoria courtroom, Gerrie Nel, the prosecutor in South Africa's upcoming murder trial against famed track star Oscar Pistorius, tweeted the American Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, demanding that it award an Oscar to Pistorius. “Anybody who can run that fast away from justice while lying,” Mr. Nel said, “certainly deserves an Oscar for best actor.”