WASHINGTON — Their political bodies are strewn all over Rock Creek Park.
Moments ago, House Speaker John Boehner and Wayne LaPierre, the head of the NRA, and West Virginia Sen. Joe Manchin, a Democrat, were observed only by a solitary reporter jumping off the political cliff.
Manchin, a lifelong hunter, member of the Armed Services Committee, and a licensed pilot, has a Solid A rating from the NRA, but this morning, on MSNBC, he woke up and told the American people that they might want to urge their Members of Congress to do something about semi-automatic weapons like the .223 Bushmaster rifle.
The solitary reporter pointed out to LaPierre, just before the Big Jump, that his staffers at the NRA had imposed a total media lockdown beginning Friday afternoon. To which LaPierre immediately replied, “SR, you dumb s___, why the hell do you think I'm jumping?”
Boehner, the first to jump after his allies in the Tea Party refused to go along with any plan that would tax Mitt Romney and his buddies, grabbed LaPierre by his American flag lapel pin, saying “Wayne, you're coming with me!”
But LaPierre, the self-styled Mr. Cool, whipped out his .223 Bushmaster mid-air and shot Boehner in the cojones.
“Take that, you nincompoop from Cincinnati: don't you guys know that you should never, ever try to cross the NRA!”
“Hell, John,“ Lapierre continued, just before the two of them hit rock bottom, “You couldn't even carry your own state for the filthy rich nincompoop from Utah, Michigan, and Massachusetts!”
But Manchin survived after Air Force Acting Secretary Michael Donley sent a helicopter directly from the Pentagon to rescue the junior senator from West Virginia. “Whew!,” Manchin said, “that was too close for comfort.”