PYONGYANG — North Korea has done it again.
Earlier this year, the Hermit Kingdom launched a rocket which was designed to show how mighty and powerful North Korea is. But 90 seconds after takeoff, the rocket fizzled into the Yellow Sea near Gunsan, South Korea.
Yesterday, all North Koreans were required to celebrate the placing in orbit around Planet Earth of a satellite designed to frighten the rest of the world of North Korea's fervent desire to land one of their nukes somewhere on the Pacific Coast of the United States, its sworn number one enemy.
But, as usual, the mainstream media failed to realize that the intended object of yesterday's rocket was not to orbit itself around the earth. Only the fortuitous presence of a solitary reporter here in Pyongyang scooped the story.
The missile was supposed to take out Federal Reserve Chair Ben Bernanke, who, also yesterday, announced an unprecedented plan to set the Fed's interest rate so that it will rise only when the unemployment rate declines.
In an exclusive interview with a solitary reporter, North Korean Supreme Leader Kim Jong-un said, “We are very seriously concerned that you Americans might somehow miraculously (and, please bear in mind, I'm a total atheist) get themselves out of their fiscal, economic, and political difficulties. We don't want that to happen. We want America to be weak, so we tried to send that missile to take out Bernanke and those other guys.”
“But, as you Americans love to say, if at first you don't succeed, try, try again.”
“We want to surpass al-Qaeda and become the biggest terrorists in the world.”
The solitary reporter then reported his conversation to President Obama, who advised him, “SR, you go back right now to Pyongyang and tell that puny little fat whippersnapper, Kim Jong-un, to fall off his own damn fiscal cliff.”
“Once I get that uncooperative Congress to fall off its own self-imposed political cliff,” Obama continued, “I'll deal with Kim by stuffing a whole lot of extraordinarily hot kimchi down his throat, just to see him squirm.”
“It's a good example of how I'm going to show the world what a tough guy I am in international relations.”
In response to the president, the solitary reporter asked to be sent to China instead, so he could feast on Peking duck and other Chinese delicacies.