RON PAUL TO LEAD TEXAS BACK TO INDEPENDENCE; WILL ARRIVE SOON ON KOBOL

WASHINGTON — Appearing yesterday on NPR's Talk of the Nation with host Neal Conan and Political Junkie Ken Rudin, perennial Libertarian and Republican presidential candidate Ron Paul, in his swan song, told the world that the secession of Texas from the United States is a sure thing.

“Although only a few people in this country are aware of it,” Paul said, “We have a Constitution in this country, and it says that this country is a union of states. Unfortunately, the Constitution also says that there should be a federal government, which is why I am leading my beloved Lone Star State out of the so-called United States.”

“The worst thing Texas ever did was to join the so-called Union in 1845. We did perfectly well from 1836 to 1845 as an independent, extremely sovereign Republic, and we're gonna do it again!”

“After all,” Paul continued, “there are 112,210 loyal Texans who have petitioned the White House for secession. I was the first one to sign.”

“Come to think of it, I see no reason why Hawaii shouldn't revert to a monarchy, just as it was until President McKinley annexed it by theft in 1898.”

Contacted by a solitary reporter, Texas Gov. Rick Perry said that he is only in favor of Texas seceding from the union “If I get to be King, or El Presidente, or… Oops, there was one other title which I can't remember.”

As Conan and Rudin watched, the octogenarian Congressman attached himself to Voyager 1, which is about to leave the heliosphere. “You guys should check out the view from here,” Paul said, “and when I get to Kobol through the heroic efforts of the crew of Battlestar Galactica, there will be no government, just me and Rand.”

“Although I personally am against it, Rand thinks that once we get to Kobol we should send either him or me back to Texas to see how they're doing as an independent nation once again.”

“Maybe we should capture Mitt Romney, install him as some sort of Grand Poohbah on Aerilon, and then send hm to Washington to pay a courtesy call on President Obama.”

“That would be good riddance, wouldn't it?”