CAIRO — Russian President Vladimir Putin arrived here moments ago, flanked by numerous body men, as he surreptitiously entered the presidential palace for urgent consultations with Egyptian President Mohamed Morsi, as observed only by a solitary reporter.

“As a leader truly beloved by his people,” Putin explained to the Egyptian president, “it is my moral obligation to give you advice on how to run a great dictatorship.”

“First, you have to control the Army. Second, you have to have all the people in your executive branch entirely beholden to you, and dismissible at will. Third, you have to be the legislature; and fourth -- this goes without saying -- you have to be the Supreme Judge; only then can you claim the mantle of Supreme Leader, just as I have.”

“Come to think of it,” Putin continued, as his allotted five minutes with Morsi were about to expire, “you might also ask Kim Jong-un how they do it in North Korea.”

Morsi courteously told the Russian president that he had already followed all of his advice, quickly showed him to the door, and urged Putin to follow Allah in all things, at which point Putin handed Morsi an engraved copy of the Communist Manifesto. 

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