LIBERTY ISLAND, NEW YORK HARBOR — In a vain effort to convince the United States that it will never abandon its plan to destroy Israel, Hamas has fired 911 rockets aimed at Gracie Mansion, the official residence of New York City's mayor, Michael Bloomberg.

Hamas leaders tweeted Al Jazeera to explain that targeting Bloomberg was justified “just because he's Jewish.”

Bloomberg, however, was nonplussed. “Superstorm Sandy couldn't hurt us, so Hamas' rockets will be no problem at all,” the ebullient mayor explained to no one in particular.

Of the 911 rockets fired by Hamas from Montauk Point, the easternmost hamlet on Long Island, 900 were deflected by Lady Liberty (known to the world as the Statue of Liberty). The remaining eleven Hamas rockets were smashed by Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano as she stood on the pedestal next to Lady Liberty.

Meanwhile, after unexpectedly withdrawing his vitriolic opposition to President Obama's plan to nominate UN Ambassador Susan Rice to be our next Secretary of State, Sen. John McCain began a filibuster against any change in the Senate's filibuster rule. “Windbags like me need to do something to justify our incredibly high salaries,” McCain confided to a solitary reporter.

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