NEW YORK, NEW YORK — Desperate in his attempt to become yet another comeback kid, Mitt Romney has entered the New York City Marathon.

Mary Wittenberg, CEO of New York Road Runners, the sponsor of the event, expressed utter astonishment to a solitary reporter.

“I mean,” Wittenberg said, “the doofus has totally ignored the entire state of New York, but has been renting a mansion in Youngstown, Ohio, for a year and a half.”

“He didn't even know that our marathon was canceled yesterday.”

“There is no way I'm going to refund his entry fee.”


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