PYONGYANG — Strenously, as always, seeking to burnish his foreign policy credentials, Mitt Romney flew here yesterday on his Bain Inequity Capital private jet and demanded an audience with the twenty-eight year old North Korean Supreme Leader, Kim Jong Un.
“Boy,” Romney said to the third-generation North Korean dictator, in the presence of a solitary reporter, “on Day One, I'm launching my nukes directly to your cojones.”
“So here's the deal: give me all your nukes right now; I'll take them to the White House and plop them right there in the Oval Office, while Obama's frittering away his time in northern New Hampshire.”
Astonished, Kim, who has never heard of Karl Marx or Friedrich Engels, immediately had his thugs grab Romney (who, for once, did not have his wife or his sons with him).
The thugs, led by General O Kuk-ryol, immediately hauled the GOP presidential wannabe off to Haengyang Penal Labor Colony, a mere ten miles from the North Korean border with both China and Russia.
John Frankenheimer, the brilliant director of “The Manchurian Candidate” (Frank Sinatra version), the solitary reporter's favorite movie, said through his publicist that, when he visited Haengyang, the conditions were “a hundred percent worse than what we showed in the movie.”
Jim Messina, President Obama's campaign manager, breathed a sigh of relief.