TAMPA — As he emerged unscathed from his party's most unnecessarily glitzy yet national convention, GOP presidential nominee Mitt Romney announced to a solitary reporter that, immediately upon being inaugurated by Chief Justice John Roberts in January, he will create an endowed chair in honor of Clint Eastwood.

“I mean,” Romney explained, “if a man of Clint Eastwood's stature could attract so much attention to himself just by talking to an empty chair, just think what I can do as president by occupying the president's chair in the Oval Office for eight years, with Paul Ryan eagerly waiting in the wings to succeed me?”

“I am therefore directing, as of January 21, the National Endowment for the Arts to create an endowed chair named after Mr. Eastwood, so that no Democrat will ever be able to piss and moan about what a buffoon Clint Eastwood is.”

Bemused, the solitary reporter packed his bags and went to Charlotte to observe and report on whatever frivolities might occur this coming week at the DNC.


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