Trump and Putin Are in Putin's Mansion in Sochi While ASRs Kheroshonski and Theis Are Sheltered in Place in a Crypt in Lviv

He did it.


Today, in the middle of the night, Vladimir Putin directed his well-trained army and Air Force to bomb strategic targets throughout Ukraine.


Thus causing at least fifty deaths as of this afternoon, with more sure to come.


Associate solitary reporter Foma Kheroshonsky and our Chief International Correspondent, Larry Theis, have taken shelter in a crypt in Lviv, close to the border with Poland. Their crypt is in the 15th century Bernardine church and monastery in Lviv. CNN’s Erin Barnett is also in Lviv, but she has not taken shelter with Theis and Kheroshonsky. 


Throughout the day, thousands of Ukrainians have been fleeing their country, many through Lviv and a few from Odessa, and also a few from Kharkov, in the northeast, as Russian soldiers from Belarus have terrified Ukraine’s second largest city.


Your solitary reporter’s paternal grandfather came from a shtetl near the Dnieper River, which separates western Ukraine from the eastern half of the Texas-sized country. In 1905, during a pogrom, it was the Cossacks, and not Moishe Kheroshonsky (later Morris Korson), who ended up at the bottom of the well, so Moishe fled and eventually made his way to Riga, in Latvia, where he became a millwright before he came to the United States.


So far, Kheroshonsky and Theis have managed to escape being blown into the Ukrainian skies by Putin’s Air Force.


But the dynamic duo are always closely in touch with what’s happening all around the world.


For example, they know, because associate solitary reporter Johanna Jones told them, that the friendship between Putin and Donald Trump has become stronger than ever, after Trump told his base that Putin is a genius (, which is why Putin invited Trump to share a bunker with him in Putin’s palace in Sochi, together with Putin’s coterie of oligarchs.


Trump, however, is in great distress because his close persoal friend Alex Jones, the Master of Conspiracy Theories, is not available by text, meaning that Jones is all on his own.