Did Rosenstein Really Say He Would Wear a Wire on Trump?

It is a truth universally acknowledged that in these dangerous times, it is absolutely necessary to have a sense of humor.


Which is, in fact, why we started this apocryphal newspaper quite some time ago.


According to The New York Times, in 2017, when Donald Trump spuriously and deceitfully based his firing of FBI Director James Comey on a memo written by the Deputy Attorney General whom he appointed, Rod Rosenstein talked aboiut wearing a wire to collect information that could be used to invoke the 25th Amendment so that the most mentally unfit man ever to sit in the Oval Office would be removed from office.


Yesterday it was widely reported that Rosenstein has offered his resignation, but then it became unclear (is anything ever clear in the Trump Era?)


So Trump and Rosenstein are set to meet on Thursday after Trump returns from the United Nations.


We tasked associate solitary reporter Susanna Sherman with scoping out whether Rosenstein really said that he planned to wear a wire on Trump.


“Of course I said that, and only partially as a joke,” Rosenstein told Sherman, moments ago. “I mean, the man is 72, and I clearly remember that in 2016, the Times’ David Brooks said on the PBS News Hour with Judy Woodruff that Donald Trump behaves like a four year old.”


“I knew that his testosterone levels are those of a 25 year old,” Rosenstein continued, “but I wanted to test out David Brooks’ assertion.”


“Susanna, here’s the tape I recorded. Take it directly to Bob Goodlatte, the Chairman of the House Judiciary Committee, so he can begin impeachment proceedings.”


Sherman thanked Rosenstein, curtseyed, and went straight to Goodlatte’s office, but without a latte (had she brought him a latte, Goodlatte would have thrown it directly at her very pretty dress).