Trump Appoints His Pit Bull Lawyer, Michael Cohen, to the Supreme Court

Associate solitary reporter Susanna Sherman was with Justice Anthony Kennedy early this morning in his chambers when he called Donald Trump.


“Sir, I’ve had enough of this stuff. I’m done, I’m all in.”


“Unlike you, I’ve been married to the same woman, in my case, for 55 years. And I’d like to spend more time with her and our three children."


Associate solitary reporter Johanna Jones was with Trump when he received the call, just before sending National Security Advisor John Bolton to Damascus inside a Tomahawk missile, as we reported yesterday.


“Tony, how's hangin’?”


“The best person to replace me,” Kennedy, a Republican, said, ignoring Trump’s vulgarity, ”is Michael Cohen.”


“You like to fix things, but you don’t have the faintest idea how to do so, which is why you hired Michael as your pit bull in your Trump Organization.”


“He was a Democrat until March, 2017, when he flipped to please you.”


“Lawyer Cohen, according to the Trump-Russia dossier, met with Russian officials in Prague in 2016.”


“You needed a pit bull, and you got one.”


“Now that Scalia is no longer on the Court, you need someone with Michael’s superb qualifications.”


ASR Sherman then called Trump’s close political friend, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, to ask when McConnell plans to hold a confirmation vote on the nomination.


“Well, Susanna,” McConnell began, “all I need to know is when Mr. Trump would like me to arrange that.”


“You might like to ask your friend and colleague, Johanna Jones, when he would like me schedule the vote.”


“The confirmation hearings for Mr. Cohen will not be stormy in the least. Whatever Mr. Trump wants, we will do."


When Jones asked Geoffrey Berman, Trump’s Interim United States Attorney for the Southern District of New York, what he thinks of the nomination of Cohen, Berman told Jones to shut the hell up. Berman is seriously understaffed, as he has only 280 Assistant United States Attorneys to help him in cooperating with Special Counsel Robert Mueller III.


Mueller is investigating a $150,000 payment to Trump’s fake foundation in 2015 by Ukrainian billionaire Віктор Миха́йлович Пінчýк (Victor Pinchuk).


Previous US Attorneys for the Southern District of New York include former FBI Director James Comey and Preet Bharara, the man Trump said he would ask to stay on, only he never.


Trump has ordered Berman to burn all copies of Comey’s forchcoming book, A Higher Loyalty: Truth, Lies, And Leadership, as soon 

as it appears on bookshelves anywhere in the world.