After Assad's Most Recent Deadly Chemical Attack on Innocent Civilians, The Scales on Trump's Eyes As to Putin Have Finally Fallen Off, and John Kelly Has to De

First Sunday after Easter, 2018


Yesterday, Syria’s brutish dictator, Bashar al-Assad, in his zeal to emasculate the rebels who have been courageously fighting against him for seven years, launched deadly chemical weapons against anyone, especially innocent civilians, in the area of Douma. Douma and Eastern Goutha are essentially the last major population centers in Syria which are still holding out against Assad.


Vladimir Putin has always been, as Sen. Susan Collins (R-Maine) said on CNN’s "State of the Union," the reason why Assad has remained in power (of course, Iran and Hezbollah have been very important as well).


Assad, an ophthalmologist who has absolutely no vision for peace, is about to win his civil war, in which millions have been slaughtered and displaced, wreaking chaos in Europe — where, for example, Hungarian president Viktor Orban is about to be re-elected on his far-right, xenophobic platform.


As the whole world knows, Trump has praised Putin for years. During his 2016 campaign, he conspicuously urged Russia to hit hard against Hillary Clinton with respect to her so-called “missing” emails.


One of Trump’s favorite targets for his rants is President Obama.


Before he became a presidential candidate, Trump himself warned Obama against striking Syria in 2013, but now he loves nothing better than to rail against Obama for not following through on his “red line” on Syria, as he again ranted today (


But now, after Assad launched his murderous chemical attack, Trump has, incredibly, attacked Putin, by name, and is holding him responsible.


And the ever-courageous John McCain, suffering in Arizona from a very serious cancer, has called Trump out, saying that Trump emboldened Assad just the other day when he said it's time to bring American soldiers and warplanes home from Syria and that, as a consequence, Trump had damn well better hit Assad hard with our military might (


So we have to ask, what made Trump change his mind about Putin?


To answer that question, we tasked associate solitary reporter Johanna Jones to sashay herself into Chief of Staff Gen. John Kelly’s office. Kelly has the hardest job in Washington.


“Gen. Kelly,” she began, “you are very familiar with your Bible, right?”


“Of course I am.”


“So you are familiar with Acts of the Apostles?”


Kelly tensed up.


“In Chapter 9, Saul, who had viciously persecuted the very early Christians, had a conversion experience, after Christ called out to him while Saul was on his way to Damascus to continue his wholesale persecution of Christians.”


“And Christ said to him,’ Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting me?’”


 "Saul fell to the ground completely blinded. He was truly blind, but then all of a sudden, because of the miraculous intervention of Christ, the scales fell from his eyes, and he was able to see that Christ is Lord."


“General,” Jones continued, “you do see where I’m heading with this, don’t you?”


Kelly seemed puzzled, and he became even more anxious.


“Your boss, Donald Trump, the Blusterer-in-Chief, has finally gotten it about Vladimir Putin. The scales have fallen from Trump’s eyes.”


Never a man to yield easily to a woman’s advice, Kelly called the Secret Service, which promptly threw Jones out Kelly’s window directly onto the lawn outside, where the ACLU immediately rushed to Jones’ aid and patched her up.


We are very happy to say that Jones is right back at work as a DNC mole, reporting on everything that goes on in Trumpland.