Solitary Reporter To Crash Trump's Christmas Party

For understandable reasons, none of CNN’s reporters was invited to Melania’s Christmas party at the White House, and hundreds of mainstream journalists are trying to figure out whether to attend, if invited (


However, associate solitary reporter Johanna Jones was not invited, nor were any of our very numerous associate solitary reporters, especially Edmonton Mayor Gary Zeman, Chief European Correspondent Larry Theis, or Unitarian Universalist Association Moderator Lewis Thompson III. Zeman will be, as usual, hosting his annual Christmas party at the iconic Edmonton City Hall. Theis will be hosting hundreds of thousands of his numerous friends at a remote location in Europe. Thompson will be hosting his annual Christmas party at UUA headquarters at 24 Farnsworth Street in Boston.


Your solitary reporter will be hitchhiking from Denver to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW, where he hopes that associate solitary reporter Susanna Sherman can sweet-talk Donald Trump’s hundreds of guards into letting him in to the party.


This is rather unlikely, however, given that ninety-nine percent of your solitary reporter’s posts have Trump in his crosshairs.


We have just learned that FBI Director Christopher Wray and Acting Homeland Security Secretary Elaine Costanzo Duke have issued an all points bulletin to their minions, instructing them to look for the solitary reporter on party night.


But DC’s most prominent lawyer, associate solitary reporter Kenzo Coleman, is ready, together with the ACLU, to protect your solitary reporter once the White House security guards grab him by the c_____s and throw him head first into the nearest wrought-iron fence.