Trump Goes After Harvard; Latest News from Mar-a-Lago, Harare, and Pyongyang

Donald Trump and his numerous sycophants have managed to get him to where he is now by going after the so-called “Liberal Elite.”


We have just learned that Trump’s Justice Department is investigating Harvard. Why? Harvard has for many years had an affirmative action program which seeks to increase the number of men and women of color in its student body.


However, two years ago, a coalition of 64 Asian-American associations filed a civil rights complaint against Harvard, asserting discrimination against Asians in admissions,


So we asked associate solitary reporter Johanna Jones to go to Cambridge with a request that she talk with Harvard’s president, Drew Gilpin Faust, about the issue.


“Our admissions policies have been an open book for many years,” Faust said. “We admitted your boss, the solitary reporter, way back in 1959. This shows we'll admit anybody.”


“Any other questions?”


In other news, today Trump is returning to his exclusive private club in South Florida, Mar-a-Lago.


Although he we here at AP fail to understand why this is the case, it does remain true that a few seriously misguided and totally politically incorrect people like to gawk at Trump when he is there, and even schmooze with him if given the chance, as long as they are Trumpites.


Earlier during his time in the White House, Trump drove the Secret Service completely bonkers by mingling with Mar-a-Lago members and guests while at the same time, during one of the numerous crises over North Korea’s nukes, allowing photographers to photograph the presidential nuclear football being taken to Trump while he was chatting it up with “ordinary” wealthy people in the food line,


So we asked associate solitary reporter Susanna Sherman to go down to Mar-a-Lago and find out how many ordinary impoverished American voters had shown up in the food line.


“Not many,” Sherman said. “In fact, none."


And in Pyongyang, associate solitary reporter Ko Il-sun has just informed us that Kim Jong-un has reaffirmed his willingness to invite Zimbabwe’s dictator, Robert Mugabe, who has just resigned after threatening to foment a civil war in that impoverished country, to live out the rest of his days in Pyongyang under the principle of dictatorial courtesy.