Kelly To Return Soon To His Old Job At DHS

It is a truth universally acknowledged that Donald Trump cares only about himself, and that the only people he likes are members of his immediate family (though we’re not really sure whether Melania wishes she were back in Slovenia) and his sycophants (such as Kellyann Conway).


General John Kelly, for reasons unknown to associate solitary reporter Johanna Jones, agreed to be Trump’s Secretary of Homeland Security, and then, after Trump fired his first Chief of Staff, longtime GOP political operative Reince Priebus, Kelly agreed to replace Priebus. 


It has been widely speculated in the political buzzworld that Kelly took the job as Chief of Staff only out of patriotism. Could well be, but how could Kelly stand to be working for somebody who regularly disses his most important appointees (Tillerson and Sessions) and who is so radically unpredictable, as a lover of chaos, that nobody anywhere in the world has much of an idea of what he’s gonna do next?


Because nobody really likes Trump, he has a dismally poor record of filling his top-level positions, so Kelly has been tasked with filling

them — even though Trump doesn’t seem to care. As Politico’s Nancy Cook reported yesterday, Kelly has now been tasked with getting those sub-Cabinet positions filled (


Which is why Kelly just told ASR Jones that he’s fed up working for the megalomaniac Twitterer-in-Chief. “I’m going back to my old job as Secretary of HHS,” Kelly told Jones.


When Jones pointed out that Trump has nominated Kirstjen Nielsen to replace him at DHS, Kelly said, “That nomination isn’t going anywhere. Kirstjen is a very smart woman, and Donald is very threatened by strong, smart women.”


“To replace me as Chief of Staff, Johanna, Trump’s gonna put his son-in-law Jared in there. The announcement will be made tomorrow.”


Associate solitary reporter Melissa Smith, who has been closely following Trump’s close personal friend Steve Bannon’s efforts to beat the s__t out of Mitch McConnell, observed that Bannon’s clash with the GOP Establishment is creating more tension than the August 17 collision of two neutron stars (