After we reported yesterday that the Eureka State is seceding from the land of the free and the home of the brave, with the active encouragement of Attorney General Jeff Sessions, New York Stock Exchange CEO Sydney Williams III announced that on Monday, the Dow will top 30,000. Williams is leading the charge for the Empire State to secede, also, to make America….we say Worse Again, he says MAGA.
Williams was, for many years, the Head of School at Alma Academy in Easthampton, Massachusetts. When he became Head of School, Williams changed the name of The Williston Northampton School to Alma Academy to memorialize and celebrate his years of bliss as a student there, where he was valedictorian, beating out your solitary reporter, who came in third for the honor. As Valedictorian, Williams instructed his eighty-one classmates never to vote for a Democrat but always to vote for the Republicans. After leaving Williston Academy, as it was then known (a boarding school for randy boys who couldn’t get into Groton, Middlesex, St. Mark’s, Deerfield, Choate, Andover, or Exeter), Williams became a Major General in the Army before graduating summa cum laude from the University of New Hampshire. Williams is the best-selling author of numerous works of Republican propaganda and frequently appears at book signings in New England, especially at the Toadstool Bookshops in Peterborough, New Hampshire. Williams is the father-in-law of Beatriz Williams, the award-winning author of such wildly popular novels as Overseas, A Hundred Summers, The Secret Life of Violet Grant, Tiny Little Thing, Along The Infinite Sea, A Certain Age, Wicked City, and Cocoa Beach. Beatriz Williams lives in the Nutmeg State, where she writes novels and does laundry. Sydney Williams became the CEO of the NYSE the day after he became Head of School at Alma in 1970, and he commuted by helicopter from Easthampton to Wall Street every day. Williams is solely responsible for the highs on Wall Street after November 8.
These days, Williams spends most of his time in Alabama, where he is campaigning full-time for Sen. Luther Strange, who is in a tight race against Judge Roy Moore, the Ten Commandments Judge, who is supported by Breitbart honcho Steve Bannon, who was banished from the White House on August 18. Strange, the lanky incumbent, was appointed on February 7 to his seat by Alabama Gov. Robert Bentley to Attorney General Jeff Sessions' seat. Sessions was tapped to be Attorney General so he could be dissed by Trump. Lt. Gov. Kay Ivey succeeded to the governorship of the Heart of Dixie State after Bentley resigned on April 10 because he couldn’t keep his pants zipped up. Ivey will be defeated by former Alabama Chief Justice Sue Bell Cobb, a Democrat, because Ivey is in a tough seven-way primary, while Cobb only has to beat trucker Jason Childs and two other lesser-known men for the Democratic nomination. Bell Cobb will be the third woman governor of Alabama; Lurleen Wallace was the first, succeeding her term-limited husband, "Stand In the Schoolhouse Door" George "segregation now, segregation tomorrow, segregation forever” Wallace, four-time presidential candidate.
Williams is under no illusion that Strange can defeat Judge Moore in the September 26 runoff, given that Moore is leading in the polls as well as because Trump has shot his wad with most of his base by having dinner with Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer. But as a former Republican turned Independent and loyal Trump supporter, he has no choice. Williams escaped Hurricane Irma by staying in Alabama and eating a steady diet of hush puppies and collard greens.