Westboro Baptist Church's Shirley Phelps-Roper Confronts ASR Hobarto in Key West and Is Swept Into the Gulf of Mexico, Then Rescured by the Coast Guard

After reading our report from Wednesday, Shirley Phelps-Roper, the daughter of Westboro Baptist Church’s founder, the late Fred Phelps, went straight to Key West to join 82-year old Sen. Jim Inhofe of Oklahoma. As we reported then, Inhofe was spotted by associate solitary reporter Johanna Jones howling at the wind as Hurricane Irma was (and is) heading straight for southern Florida.


Fred Phelps, the founder of Westboro Baptist Church in Kansas, can best be described as a hate monger, and his every movement was tracked by the Southern Poverty Law Center. The pastor of a tiny church with only 70 members, he incited his parishioners to show up with placards bearing hate-filled messages at military funerals, proclaiming their message that America is doomed because it embraces (in his view) homosexuality. Westboro Baptist Church, which boasts 70 members, describes itself as a Primitive Baptist Church, and it is not affiliated with any denomination.


So we sent our crack religion reporter, associate solitary reporter, the Very Reverend Jim Bob Hobarto, to confront Phelps-Roper and remind her that in Galatians 3:28, the sainted Paul says “There is no longer Jew or Greek, there is no longer slave or free, there is no longer male and female; for all of you are one in Christ Jesus.”  


Therefore, Hobarto told Phelps-Roper, “You, Madam, are full of excrement!” Hobarto had never before used such language when addressing a woman.


Phelps-Roper then struck Hobarto firmly on his kisser and in response, Hobarto turned his other cheek and begged Phelps-Roper to deck him. Just then, Hurricane Jose leapfrogged Irma and swept Phelps-Roper into the Gulf of Mexico, but Donald Trump immediately dispatched Coast Guard Commandant Admiral Paul Zukunft to rescue Phelps-Roper, given his pledge to evangelical voters to do whatever they want him to do.


Hobarto promptly returned to his home in Chicago to prepare tracts denouncing leading homophobes such as Phelps-Roper, who has been barred from entering the UK since she is a notorious hate-monger.