Melania's Stilletos Govern the Ungovernable Trump in Texas

August 30, 2017


TRUMPLAND, TEXAS — The reluctant FLOTUS, former model Melania Knauss (maiden name Knavs in Slovenian, Germanized to Knauss), has yet to choose a cause for which to advocate, but she has good cause to feel grumpy because of whom she chose to marry. 


The third Mrs. Trump is 47 but the old goat she is married to is 71. 


Though the Saudis and the French approved of what she was wearing when she visited those nations as Trump’s wife, yesterday she walked across the South Lawn at the White House in stilletos while her husband, eager to prove that he can withstand soon-to-come criticism about his inability to manage a meteorological disaster, wore khakis. As The Daily Beast observed (, the Trumps are indoor people.


Houston’s flooding is closely related to the fact that Houston was built on and around bayous and swamps. Hurricane Katrina devastated New Orleans on this day in 2005 when the levees, maintained by the US Army Corps of Engineers, broke.


People keep moving to places like Houston and Florida, and parts of New Orleans, such as the conspicuously underserved Lower Ninth Ward, are actually below sea level.


Associate solitary reporter Johanna Jones was with the FLOTUS and her highly irascible husband yesterday as they visited Corpus Christi and Austin. Jones asked the FLOTUS how she likes being hauled around as the third trophy wife of the Twitterer-in-Chief. “Kaj naj bi bila revna deklica iz komunisticne drzave?” was Melania's reply. Jones is multilingual, so she immediately understood that the FLOTUS was saying, “What’s a poor girl from a Commie country supposed to do?”


And as Trump whined about the size of the crowd at his highly Trumpistic rally last week in Phoenix, including firing the advance man who arranged that xenophobic event, Jones distinctly heard Chief of Staff General John Kelly tell Trump that he will do his utmost to arrange for his boss to hold yet another rally very soon at the Houston Convention Center, amid the homeless swept there by Hurricane Harvey.







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