Bannon Recruits Kentucky's Far-Right Gov To Take Out McConnell In 2020; Trump Plans Invasion of Venezuela While Simultaneously Nuking Pyongyang

Donald Trump, who, incredibly enough, thinks that the government should be run like a business, is quite unhappy with Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell for failing to push through the Senate legislation to repeal the Affordable Care Act.


Trump is now at his very private, very exclusive golf resort in Bedminister, New Jersey.


TrumpWorldBedminister costs $300,000 to join. As detailed by Wikipedia, the Trump Organization secured a classification of the Bedminister golf course, as well as another Trump golf course in Colts Neck, New Jersey, as farmland. So part of the acreage at TrumpWorldBedminster is used for growing hay and raising eight goats. The Wall Street Journal estimates that the use of the property tax exemption for farmland reduced the tax bill on the two Trump golf courses from $80,000 to less than $1,000.


Today, at TrumpWorldBedminster, associate solitary reporter Johanna Jones distinctly heard Trump say to Alt-Right Prince Steve Bannon (the prince of darkness), “I’m the most successful businessman in the world and I like to fire people, and I'm really good at it. I’m also the best occupier of the White House ever. I need to fire McConnell, so Steve, go  to Kentucky and find me somebody down there to primary that s.o.b. McConnell in 2020 — the same year when I’m gonna easily beat Tim Kaine.”


Bannon did as he was told, and immediately tapped Kentucky’s Republican far-right governor, Matt Bevin, to run against McConnell in the GOP Senate primary in 2020. Bevin was born in the Mile High City and grew up in the tiny town of Shelburne, in northernmost New Hampshire. Three years ago, Bevin, a wealthy businessman, challenged McConnell in the Republican primary. Bevin is a devotee of the Tea Party and lost to McConnell by almost 25 percentage points. Bevin won his 2015 primary for the governorship in a four-way primary, defeating his nearest competitor by 83 votes. He was elected governor of the Bluegrass State on November 3, 2015, by defeating Kentucky’s Attorney General, Democrat Jack Conway. Moments ago, Bannon reported to Trump that he had it all worked out: Bevin will run in the GOP primary against the unpopular McConnell in the 2020 primary, when McConnell will be seeking his seventh term. For his part, Bevin is salivating over the prospect of taking out McConnell a mere three years from now, according to associate solitary reporter Rich Krieger, who is based in Ft. Thomas, Kentucky.


As ASR Jones watched in rapt attention, Bannon, Trump’s chief strategist, commended his mega-billionaire boss for planning simultaneously to invade Venezuela and nuke North Korea. Venezuela’s president, Nicolas Maduro, just rigged the Constitution of that troubled nation to give himself more power, and is now prohibited from entering the United States. Maduro, a dictator in the mold of his predecessor, Hugo Chavez, is extremely proud that he has been sanctioned by Trump’s Treasury Secretary, Stephen Mnuchin. Trump is threatening to take military action (see, probably to get Venezuela’s oil.


Guam’s governor, Republican Eddie Baza Calvo, told associate solitary reporter Ko Il-sun, who is based in Seoul, that he relishes all the attention being given to his small island territory. "Mr. Trump called me just a few minutes ago,” he explained to Ko, “to tell me that as soon as Kim Jongun sends his nuclear-armed missiles to take out our Andersen Air Force Base here, he will nuke Pyongyang. I can’t wait to enjoy the nuclear fallout while Seoul is destroyed.”