Trump, Putin Trade Boasts About Their Wealth

HAMBURG — Here we are at 7-7-17 in Germany, at a sidebar of the G-20.


All eyes were focused on Vladimir Putin and Donald Trump.


Opticians in the crowd praised the optics.


But then suddenly, in his effort to show his base that he and Putin have really hit it off, Trump took off his never-rumpled wig and very ceremoniously plopped it on Putin’s bald pate. Putin beamed with gratitude and, for the first time ever in public, Donald Trump was bald.


Associate solitary reporter Foma Kheroshonky took it all in during the

2 1/2 hour meeting that was supposed to be only 30 minutes long.


After all the other reporters and cameramen were ushered out by Secretary of State Rex Tillerson, the two presidents’ focus turned to the accumulation of — well — more wealth.


“To you, and to you alone,” Trump began, “I’m disclosing my tax returns.”


“You will easily see that I'm so much wealthier than you.”


But, not to be outdone, Putin said, “Through my close trustees, I own offshore companies worth more than two billion US dollars."


To top that, Trump brought in Treasury Secretary Stephen Mnuchin, who whispered in Putin’s ear, “Mr. Trump is even cleverer than you, Sir, because only his adult sons and I know that his net worth exceeds ten billion US dollars."


Putin snickered, and told his Foreign Minister, Sergei Lavrov, to take the name Trump off Trump Tower in Manhattan, and put the hammer and sickle in its place.


“Once you’ve accomplished that, Sergei, we can do an even better job of controlling American elections."