Conway Previews New Executive Order On Patriotic Adoration

It seems that one of Donald Trump’s fiercest defenders, Kellyanne Conway, is not shy.


As comprehensively reported in Politico by ace reporter Louis Nelson, Conway said yesterday that she supports Trump’s use of social media to attack anybody who challenges him, especially when, in Conway’s words, so much of the media coverage of him is “neither productive nor patriotic.”


Yesterday, on ABC’s “Good Morning America,” Conway was asked whether she condones Trump’s lashing out against Joe Scarborough and Mika Brzezinski on Twitter. Conway stopped short of saying she approves of the specific attacks, but she said that she supports Trump’s use of social media to defend himself.


So we reached out to associate solitary reporter Johanna Jones and asked her to conduct an in-depth interview of Conway.


“It is the duty of every American (except illegal immigrants) to discount every media report which does not express complete adoration of the president,” Conroy told Jones.


“We will be issuing an executive order on Tuesday, The Fourth of July, prescribing the penalties for failure to adore.”


“That’s how we make America great again.”


After we received Jones’ report, we immediately renewed her contract, with a bonus for hazardous duty.