THE TRUMP ORGANIZATION, 1600 PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE — Everybody in the world knows how mercurial and tempestuous Donald Trump is.
The man who lost the election to Hillary Clinton by nearly three million votes had been scheduled to hold a Trumpian rally in Miami tomorrow to announce a bigly retrenchment of the enormously sensible changes which President Obama made in our relations with Cuba.
But having yelled and ranted and raved and foamed at the mouth on the campaign trail against Obama’s opening to Cuba, the 71 year old very temporary occupant of the White House is set to announce, tomorrow in Miami, major big restrictions on the ability of American tourists to visit Cuba, as well as on the ability of American businesses (isn’t this supposed to be the guy who is pro-business?) to deal with the Castro regime.
That’s when associate solitary reporter Johanna Jones stepped in. She has just informed us that instead of going to Miami tomorrow, Trump will board a Trump Airlines flight to Gitmo, where he will be stiffly greeted by Cuba’s dictator, Raul Castro. There, Castro will accept Trump’s transfer of Gitmo to Cuba, and the two men will sign a memorandum of understanding under which Cuba will closely monitor all drug smugglers who want to get to our shores, and throw them in jail, and Castro will promise that under no circumstances will he pull anything resembling the Mariel boat lift crisis of 1980, in which the Castro brothers sent 10,000 Cubans, some of whom had been released from Cuban jails and mental health facilities, to Florida, causing a black eye for President Jimmy Carter. The transfer of Gitmo to Cuba includes turning over three square miles of the 45 square miles of the Guantanamo Bay Naval Base, to be exclusively devoted to a Trump International Hotel, Casino, and golf course. Trump will be given carte blanche to run his little business empire there, with no interference from Castro.
When Jones told Little Marco Rubio of the sudden change of plans, Rubio called all 16 Republican Congressmen in the Florida delegation, all of whom are happy that Hillary lost in the Electoral College. They all support their junior senator, who was supposed to run against Hillary until Trump hijacked a political party in which he doesn’t even believe.
Tom Donahue, the CEO of the US Chamber of Commerce, is not happy with Trump’s campaign promises to roll back President Obama’s historic opening to Cuba. When Jones told him about what’s really going to happen tomorrow, he gave her numerous high-fives.