DAR CONSTITUTION HALL, DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA – Instead of holding his long-planned rally to fire up his MAWA (Make America Worse Again) base in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, D. John Trump was a surprise guest yesterday evening at Samantha Bee’s Full Frontal Not The White House Correspondents’ Dinner here at Constitution Hall — the Nation’s Capital’s largest auditorium. Associate solitary reporter Johanna Jones covered the event for us.
Trump was mildly amused by Will Ferrell’s imitation of W. But things changed when Ferrell presented to the audience of journalists, including CNN's Jake Tapper (Wolf Blitzer was undoubtedly eating fancy food at the competing event, The White House Correspondents Dinner, at the Washington Hilton) an authentic painting of the man who thinks that he is the legitimate 45th occupant of the White House. As soon as he saw Ferrell’s unflattering painting of him, he told FBI Director James
Comey — the man largely responsible for the fact that he occupies the White House – and his Attorney General, Jeff Sessions – to arrest Ferrell immediately. Trump’s campaign manager and Counselor, Kellyanne Conway, shrieked and cackled in glee as she proclaimed, “Will Ferrell is a feral creature and he needs to be locked up in the National Zoo!”
At this, National Zoo Director Dennis Kelly said, “We don’t have enough room in our 163 acres in our zoo, in Rock Creek Park, for somebody as feral as Will, unless we put him with our dwarf mongooses or our black lemurs, who, I’ll have you know, were born on Nosy Komba in Madagascar; but come to think of it, we have a lot more room at our 3200-acre Smithsonian Conservation Biology Institute in Front Royal, Virginia, where we house endangered species including the black-footed ferret, the clouded leopard, and the Matschie's tree-kangaroo.”
“With the looming budget cuts,” Kelly continued, "we realize that the Smithsonian Institution, my National Zoo’s owner, will, very soon, be sold to The Trump Organization, but before that happens, I’m going to do my damnedest to prevent it, and having Will Ferrell as a permanent guest at our Fort Royal facility, as an endangered species, will bring us a lot of visitors, who can gape at him, a primarily human animal.”
For his part, Trump was raging mad after his brain, Steve Bannon, told him about the first episode of “The President Show," starring comedian Anthony Atamanuik. In the first episode, which premiered on Thursday, Atamanuik, playing Trump to perfection, including his ridiculous orange combover, stood outside Trump Tower, mumbling unintelligibly to gawking tourists after being shut out of his suite by the third Mrs. Trump, who yelled at him in fluent Slovene, “Pojdii nazaj v Belo Hiso, in ne pridejo nazaj!” (Go back to the White House and don’t come back!”).
Atamanuik will soon be a permanent member of Bee’s Full Frontal. Bee will hire security guards to protect him from Trump’s goons.