Electoral College to Meet in the Kremlin

RNC HEADQUARTERS, TRUMP TOWER — The Electoral College is scheduled to meet on December 19 in the various state capitals to finalize the election of Donald Trump as president of the United States, but controversy continues to swirl about the legitimacy of the election. Green Party presidential candidate Jill Stein has demanded a recount in Wisconsin and Pennsylvania, and  activists around the country are seeking to persuade enough Electors to cast their ballots for anybody but Donald Trump.


Trump is set to announce at any moment, probably by Twitter, his choice for Secretary of State, and all signs point to Exxon Mobil CEO Rex Tillerson getting the nod. Tillerson has been negotiating deals with Russian President Vladimir Putin for 20 years, deals which have immensely profited both Russia and Exxon Mobil.


The Washington Post has recently published articles about the CIA investigation into how Russian hackers interfered in the election to favor Trump.


To cover these developments with the care and attention which they deserve, associate solitary reporter Johanna Jones has been living at Trump Tower since November 8. 


Jones was with Trump when, moments ago, he received a call from Putin.


Putin, speaking through a translator, said “Donald, my friend, I have the perfect solution for helping you with this controversy.”


“Instead of the presidential Electors meeting in the various state capitals, why not have them meet here in the Kremlin? That will inaugurate our new alliance to make the world safe for capitalism, as long as you and I are the only capitalists that count.”


“Interesting idea, Vlad, but I have a better idea. As president, I will not only continue to run my global business empire, I’m gonna bring back some of my businesses that I’ve shut down, like Trump University. I’m gonna fold the Electoral College into Trump University, and my crackerjack Education Secretary, Betsy DeVos, and my right-hand man, Steve Bannon, are gonna help me do it.”


“Don, that all sounds great. I’ll see you and your Electors here in the Kremlin on December 19. Make sure to bring Tillerson with you."


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