Another Boring Day in East Asia

Donald Trump went out of his way to be provocative yesterday when he had a live telephone conversation with Taiwan’s president, Tsai Ing-wen. It was the first time since 1979 that an American president or president-elect has spoken with a  president of the so-called Republic of China. President Jimmy Carter, an international realist, broke diplomatic relations with the Republic of China in that year in favor of a “One China” policy.


During the campaign, Trump aimed numerous unsubtle barbs at China. He seems intent on taking on Chinese President Xi Jinping directly, and he did exactly that by speaking with Tsai. True to form, he is doing this without consulting the experts at the State Department. Ever since the Chinese Communists won the Chinese Civil War in 1949, the Communists have insisted that Taiwan is part of the Middle Kingdom. 


But it didn’t take long for Xi to retaliate. In an exclusive interview with associate solitary reporter Jenny True, Xi said that he will sever diplomatic relationships with the United States on January 21.


For her part, President Tsai welcomed the news that Beijing will cut off ties with Washington. “This is our opportunity to get a lot more military and naval hardware from Uncle Sam,” she explained to associate solitary reporter Ruth Westward. “My party, the Democratic Progressive Party, has always favored a tougher military stance against Mainland China than Chiang Kai-shek’s Kuomintang Party. I very much look forward to entering into a bilateral treaty with President Trump, who undoubtedly, from what he told me yesterday, favors a totally independent Taiwan.”


Secretary of State John Kerry and his spokesman, John Kirby, privately told your solitary reporter that "Trump is engaged in a fool's errand and is just out grabbing outrageous headlines as he always does.”


Not to be outdone, North Korea’s dictator, Kim Jongun, launched three of his nukes at Taipei. “I’ve been wanting to try these out on a real target for a long time,” Kim said on the Korea Central News Agency daily broadcast. His three nukes, however, landed far south of Taiwan in the Spratly Islands in the South China Sea, a vast archipelago claimed by Brunei, China, Taiwan, Vietnam, and the Philippines. “Too bad my nukes didn’t take out Tsai Ing-wen in Taipei,” Kim said, "but at least now I know that I can mess with all those other countries as well.”


South Korea’s embattled president, Park Geun-hye, took advantage of the launching of Kim’s nukes by ordering a full-scale invasion of North Korea. “This will make me even more popular with my people than before,” she told President Obama, but Mr. Obama immediately issued orders to all US military forces in South Korea to arrest her. She is now in custody at the US embassy in Seoul, guarded day and night by burly Marines.


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